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Dang it! Here's a POEM from SOMEONE to me...
Perfect Pair
Pretty face,
long brown hair.
I was watching you
were you aware?
Someone to talk to
even share.
You made me feel
that you care.
A phone call to my work
you took a dare.
I am so happy
the call came when I was there.
Finding someone to relate to
so easily I believe is rare.
And that is why
I think we make the prefect pair!
T. J. Devereaux
Copyright ©2001 T. Devereaux
Tell me something Good!
Tips on Managing Conflict
Irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Ready to explode? You're not alone. Whether it's an argument with a friend, aggravation because a driver cuts in front of you, or a disagreement about the best way to do a job - conflict is part of everyday life. Conflict produces stress, hurts friendships, and can cause injury and death. We can't always avoid conflict but we can learn to manage it without violence. That way, we use conflict to improve our lives and to learn from past mistakes.
Do it yourself. . .
What skills do you need to manage personal conflict?
Understanding your own feelings about conflict. This means recognizing your "triggers," words or actions that immediately provoke an emotional response, like anger. It could be facial expression, a tone of voice, a pointing finger, a certain phrase. Once you know your "triggers," you can better control your emotions.
Active listening. Go beyond hearing just words; try to understand what the other person is saying. Listen carefully, instead of thinking about what you're going to say next. Active listening requires concentration and body language that says you are paying attention.
Generating options for resolving a conflict. Many people can think of only two ways to manage conflict - fighting or avoiding the problem. Get the facts straight, brainstorm all ideas that might help resolve the argument, and discuss the pros, cons, and consequences.
Moving away from confrontation and toward agreement
Look at your response to conflict. If your style isn't working - you're left with raging emotions that lead to more problems - try to change.
State your needs and define the problem. Talk about the issues without insulting or blaming the other person. Don't state your position; that's simply your solution to the problem. Take a hard look at what is said (position) with what is really meant (needs).
Together, discuss various ways of meeting needs or solving the problem. Be flexible and open-minded.
Decide who will be responsible for a specific action after reaching agreement on a plan.
Tips for Making Peace
Choose a convenient time.
Plan ahead.
Talk directly.
Don't blame or name-call.
Give information.
Listen.
Show that you are listening.
Talk it through.
Work on a solution.
Follow through.
If you can't work it out...get help
Try mediation. Courts, schools, and businesses are turning more and more to mediation to help resolve disputes. Mediators do not make decisions for people - they help people make their own decisions.
In mediation sessions, a neutral third person (or persons) helps the parties in conflict resolve their problem. Mediators should be detached and unbiased. They may be professionals or volunteers who have undergone intensive training. Mediators do not dictate a settlement; they encourage dialog, provide guidance, and help the parties define areas of agreement and disagreement. A mediation session is confidential.
Try arbitration. In arbitration, a neutral party acts as a judge. Disputing parties agree on an arbitrator who then hears evidence from all sides, asks questions, and hands down a decision. Usually, the arbitrator's decision is final. Some arbitration programs use a panel of arbitrators who make decisions by majority vote.
Try an ombudsman. An ombudsman is hired by and works within an institution. The ombudsman's job is to investigate complaints from the public against the institution, make recommendations, and try to resolve problems. He or she has no enforcement power, but must use reason and persuasion to convince management that certain policies or practices should be changed. Newspapers, television and radio stations, government agencies, health care systems, and educational systems often use ombudsmen.
Where to find help
Schools, colleges, universities.
Local or state consumer protection offices.
Community or neighborhood dispute resolution centers.
Local government - district attorney, small claims court, family services.
Better Business Bureau.
Private organizations listed in the telephone directory's Yellow Pages under arbitration or mediation services.
Law school legal clinics.
How children learn to handle conflict.
Children learn how to manage conflict in the same way they learn to do many other things--by watching what goes on around them. They learn from you, from teachers and other adults, from other children, and from television, movies, and other media. How can we all help them learn the best strategies? Here are some tips you may find helpful in your role as parent.
Give your child some special time each day. This may be really tough in today's busy world, but experts tell us that 20 minutes of positive adult attention per day dramatically reduces children's aggressive behavior.
Teach your child to ask for attention constructively. Sometimes the purpose of a fight with a brother or sister is to get attention. Encourage your child to ask for attention by expressing his or her needs. Catch your child doing something right. Praise your child for doing well, rather than reprimanding her when mistakes are made.
Teach your child to recognize the feelings of others. You can point out when someone is happy, sad, scared, worried, and so on. When children learn to recognize what someone else is feeling, they are better able to respond appropriately.
Listen first, then help your child negotiate a solution. Acknowledge your child's feelings about a conflict before helping to work out a solution.
Use positive methods to discipline your child. Avoid using physical punishment and yelling. Through your example, your child will see that force is not the best or only choice.
Hi there
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This is one of my favorite images
This is So Intense! |
My Knight in Shining Armour!
Creed or Christ
No man loves God who hates his kind,
Who tramples on his brother's heart and soul;
Who seeks to shackle, cloud, or fog the mind
By fears of hell has not perceived our goal.
God-sent are all religions blest;
And Christ, the Way, the Truth, the Life,
To give the heavy laden rest
And peace from sorrow, sin, and strife.
Behold the Universal Spirit came
To all the churches, not to one alone;
On Pentecostal morn a tongue of flame
Round each apostle as a halo shone.
Since then, as vultures ravenous with greed,
We oft have battled for an empty name,
And sought by dogma, edict, cult, or creed,
To send each other to the quenchless flame.
Is Christ then twain?
Was Cephas, Paul,
To save the world, nailed to the tree?
Then why divisions here at all?
Christ's love enfolds both you and me.
His pure sweet love is not confined
By creed which segregate and raise a wall.
His love enfolds, embraces human kind,
No matter what ourselves or Him we call.
Then why not take Him at His word?
Why hold to creeds which tear apart?
But one thing matters, be it heard
That brother love fill every heart.
There's but one thing the world has need to know.
There's but one balm for all our human woe:
There's but one way that leads to heaven above--
That way is human sympathy and love.
--Max Heindel.
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